又到学期期末，老师们的工作生活一定又是被各种评比、课题结项、年终汇报、报销挤得满满当当。不如一起看看老师朋友圈里的段子吧~

➤工作篇

What do teachers do every day?

老师们每天在做啥？

For some teachers, work is like taking their students for a swim in a great big ocean of knowledge every day.

老师这个职业吧，说的文明点就是每天带着学生在知识的海洋里畅游。

And though they do their best to make sure everybody reaches the shore, they often have to go back and provide assistance.

然而畅游一段时间吧，你会发现：只有你一个人上岸了！然后你还得返回，一个一个去捞。

Some students who have just been rescued almost immediately start drowning again, while others astonish their teachers by turning around and swimming out to sea instead!

有些吧，昨天捞上来今天又掉下去了还得捞。在你喘息的时候，你会惊恐地发现：还有往回游上岸的。

不多说了，上图体会：

Books a college teacher should read:

很多人打算去大学当老师，问要看哪些书？以下是较专业的回答：

❶第一阶段基础版

《教育学》

Pedagogy

《心理学》

Psychology

《给老师的建议》

Advice for Teachers

《教学设计》

Instructional Design

❷第二阶段进阶版

《莫生气》

Keep Calm

《佛经》

Buddhism

《老子》

Lao Tzu

《思想政治》

Ideology and Politics

《论持久战》

On Protracted War

❸

第三阶段濒死版

《颈椎病康复指南》

Rehabilitation of Cervical Spondylosis

《慢性咽喉炎和扁桃体炎患者必读》

A Must-read for Chronic Laryngitis and Tonsillitis Sufferers

《心脏病的预防与防治》

On the Prevention and Treatment of Heart Disease

《高血压降压宝典》

How to Control High Blood Pressure

《强迫症的自我恢复》

A Self-help Guide for Obsessive-compulsives

《精神病症状学》

Psychiatric-symptom Diagnosis

❹

第四阶段无我版

《活着》

Alive

➤ 生活篇Reporter: How have you changed since becoming a teacher?

记者：“老师，请问您入职这么多来年，都有哪些变化呢？”You: Umm... (before and after ☟)

老师：这个嘛……（前后对比照）

Types of headache experienced by college counselors.

各种头痛类型，望知悉。

Are university teachers struggling with baldness?

大学老师脱发很严重吗？

➤ 家庭篇

Your girlfriend (a university counselor) is sleeping.

当辅导员的女朋友在家睡懒觉。

You: Wake up!

Her: *silence*

我说起床啦，她一动不动。You: It's time for lunch!

Her: *more silence*

喊她吃饭啦，依旧石沉大海。You: Those new clothes you ordered are here!

Her: *no response*

“你买的新衣服到喽！”她好像没听见一样。You: Something's wrong with one of your students!

Her: *jumps up* I'm going into school right now!

“学生出事了！”她立刻从床上弹射起来“我要回学校了！”

How to control the one you love, if she/he is a college teacher? (Click the blank space below to check the answer. ☟)

University teachers are like wild horses with boundless energy who cannot even control themselves, let alone be controlled by you. They can get along with any of their students, regardless of their grades. And they have the strength to endure everything that they must. In short, they are omnipotent. What you need to do is to take good care of them, spoil them, and let them feel the love and warmth in the world... Well, that's all we have to say about that, you can leave now.

如果你爱人是大学老师，双语君（微信ID：Chinadaily_Mobile）教你如何驾驭她/他。(点击空白处可见秘籍 ☟)

就你，还想驾驭她/他？你咋不上天呢！大学老师乃是脱缰野马、身负洪荒之力，自己都驾驭不了自己，每天都与学霸斗智与学渣斗勇，无所不能，百毒不侵，你惟一能做的就是哄着她/他、惯着她/他、疼爱她/他、呵护她/他，让她/他感觉到人世间还有真情和温暖……好了，技能传授完毕，给宝宝退下吧。

The most moving marriage notice of the year.

年度最感人征婚启示！

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