恋爱中我是否该主动？是该选择维持高冷形象，还是该直接向男生表达心意？相信这是困扰无数女孩子的问题。

英国的恋爱专家Matthew Hussey从男生的角度说：女生要更主动些，如果你只是坐等男人来找你，那你等来的多半是渣男……

为什么呢？来听听Matthew Hussey分析男生的心理活动：

多数男生并不懂撩妹

Matthew Hussey说，男生都懂一个道理，在恋爱中要采取主动。

但问题是，他们并不太知道如何正确表达自己的感觉。

As guys are growing up, we have this idea that we're supposed to do something in the dating process.

我们男生从小就觉得自己应该是恋爱中采取主动的一方。

And if we don't get taught that by our parents, we get taught that by movies at the very least.

就算父母没教过，我们看电影也学到了。

不过，电影归电影，现实生活中，你身边的男生可能就没那么主动了。因为，他们根本就不知道该怎么向女生表达心意啊。

So now what happens is we walk through life seeing women that we're attracted to, and we’re not able to do anything.

所以现实情况是，我们在生活中发现了吸引自己的女性，但却不知道该做些什么。

此刻双语君的感受是——

只有极少数男生会主动

Matthew Hussey画了一个男生分布图……

只有少部分的男生会追求所有他们喜欢的女生，还有更少的一部分男生，会追求所有女生，这种人还有个学名——渣男。

还有一部分男性不会主动接触任何女生。

而剩下的那大部分男生，他们都在等待合适的时机。

而他们面临的难题，又回到了前面所说的：

We're not very good at judging when is the right moment.

男生不太会判断什么时候是合适的时机。

We also don't know what to do when we've decided it's the right moment.

就算知道这是正确的时机，男生们也不知道该怎么做。

总结来看，阻碍男生接近你的，是他们的“灵魂三问”：该干什么？怎么做？何时做？

女生需要主动

接下来就是女生需要思考的问题了。女生们是否该对男生主动一点呢？

不少女生或许都那么想过：

If a guy hasn't got the balls to come and approach me, that's not the sort of guy I want anyway.

如果那个男生连接近我的勇气都没有，他绝对不是我想要的人。

have the balls to：有胆量做某事

有多少人说过这种话？在座的女性观众哗哗都举起了手……

Matthew Hussey表示：你们简直是疯了。

他说了句大实话：

If we approached every woman we were attracted to, we wouldn't have jobs. It's all we would be doing.

如果我们要去追自己喜欢的所有女生，那我们可以不用工作了。我们整天就用来撩妹子了。

实际情况是，男性如果对30个女性感兴趣，他可能只会主动接近其中一个，条件是，他发现了合适的时机：

This is a moment where he feels it’s easy enough to do something.

一个他方便向你示好的时机。

In other moments, he might face too many hurdles and not be able to actively approach you.

在其他时候，如果有种种障碍，他都不会主动接触你。

对于男生来说，如果女生在和一群朋友玩耍，或者工作忙到脚朝天，或是身边有男性好友陪伴......这些都是障碍，让他觉得无法接触你。

也许你还怀着梦想，希望走在街上偶遇白马王子，对此我只能说：“醒一醒”。

你遇见真命天子的几率极小，对方是个渣男的可能性却非常大，也就是前文说的会去搭讪所有女生那一小部分男生。

So if you're hanging back and waiting for guys to do it, of course you only meet players.

所以如果你只是一味地被动退缩，等别人来主动与你接触，你碰见的当然会是个花花公子了。

Of course you only meet that cocky guy, who doesn't actually give you anything more.

当然你只会遇见一个自大狂，一个并不真正在乎你的人。

cocky：自大的

因此不要再对被人搭讪抱有不切实际的幻想，那个向你献殷勤的男生可能已经撩过无数妹子了。

总而言之，如果你想要拥有一份良好的感情，女生还是需要主动一些的。

但恋爱专家提醒说，女生主动是要讲究技巧的：

It's not about the girl making the move, per se.

本质上讲，不是女生本身要采取行动。

per se [,pə:'sei]：本身

It's about you giving him a license to make the move.

而是你需要示意男性，让他们主动起来。

所以，人类恋爱史上的重大难题来了：女孩如何暗示男孩你喜欢他，但又不陷入“猛追不舍”的尴尬僵局？

我来给你几条Tips，快实践起来吧……

❶

Actually Text Him Back

给他回消息

电影里都是这么演的，女生收到男生消息，应该等个一阵子再回。

但男生可不会觉得这是你的小把戏。

You're probably thinking that ignoring his text messages for hours at a time is the way to go. But guys don't think the same way that we do. If you wait before answering him, he's going to think you don't like him. He won't realize that it's all a big strategy and that you're ignoring him on purpose.

你可能觉得，应该等几个小时再回他的消息才是对的，但是男生可不会这么想。如果你等半天才回，他可能会觉得你不喜欢他，不会觉得这是你故意冷落他的计谋。

社会节奏这么快，大家也没耐心去猜猜猜了……另外如果你想继续发展，也别回“哦”和“

”。

Don't just text one-word answers, though – show him that you have something to say. If you two can hold an interesting conversation via text message, you might be able to chat just as well in person. It's a good start, at least.

你也别只回一个字，让他知道你跟他有话说。如果你俩在手机上聊得不错，那当面应该也聊得很好，这至少是个好的开始。

❷

Don't Play Hard To Get

别作

扮成一副很难追到手的样子？这不是一点用都没有，但这不是个好主意。

According to experts, the old-school dating technique of playing hard to get actually works: it can make someone who's not head-over-heels for you start to view you as a potential girlfriend. However, it's not the best strategy here because it's not obvious at all – it's way too vague.

专家说，装作很难追到手这种老派约会技巧确实有点用，会让尚未为你倾倒的男生开始把你当做潜在对象。但是这不是最好的主意，太不明显了，太模糊。

即便真的表现出一副很难追的样子，也要给人一点“有可能”的信号。

How is he supposed to know that when you pretend you're too busy to be asked out that you actually do want to grab dinner? Make sure you're giving off an available vibe so he doesn't think you're a super busy, super off-limits kind of person.

如果你确实想和他共进晚餐，但又一直装出超忙的样子，他怎么可能知道！你得给他一点你“可约”的信号，这样他不会觉得你是一个超忙的，他怎么也追不到的人。

❸

Laughter Is The Key

笑是关键

不得不说，一个懂幽默、有情趣的女生确实有着极大的吸引力。

If you can make your crush laugh, you're doing pretty well and he's bound to ask you out super soon.

如果你能逗你喜欢的人笑，那你已经做得非常好了，他会很快来约你的。

❹

Never Mention Ex-Boyfriends

永远别提前任

你想要通过提前任让对方嫉妒？太天真……

Let's be real: trying to make someone jealous is pretty lame. It usually backfires and just isn't the best idea. If you truly like this person and see a future with them, you don't want to mention your ex-boyfriends. At all. Same goes for anyone else you've casually dated recently.

说实话，让别人嫉妒挺差劲的，这通常会事与愿违。如果你确实喜欢这个人，想继续发展，那就别提前男友。一句也别提。也别提最近随便约会的任何人。

如果想让对方对你产生兴趣，就别老提前男友。不然人家就不想追你了。

If you want this guy to think of you as a love interest, then he needs to think that you're totally available. He won't think that way if you're always bringing up your past loves. Instead, keep your conversations light and positive.

如果你想让这个人对你产生兴趣，就必须让他觉得你是完全可追的。如果你总是提前男友，就可能会打消他的念想了。所以，聊得积极阳光一点。

❺

Compliment Him

夸他

当然，我们不是说一通猛夸……这会让他感觉超奇怪。

In a non-creepy way, of course. And it has to make sense. You can't just randomly blurt out that he's so cute, smart, funny, awesome – even if you want to. He'll think you're super weird and your dreams will all be shattered within a single second.

当然你不能夸得很奇怪了，必须夸得有道理。你不能闭着眼说他有多帅、多聪明、多有趣、多厉害——即便你真这么想的。他会觉得你超奇怪，那你的撩汉美梦基本就一秒破碎了。

所以，通过夸人撩汉的正确姿势是什么呢？来来来……

Make sure your compliments are said in a flirty, joking, light-hearted way – and if you're texting, maybe throw in an adorable emoji in there for good measure. Hey, you don't just compliment anyone. Someone has to earn that praise. He'll get the hint.

夸人时，要夸得既撩人，又像在开玩笑，又很轻松。如果你是发消息，可以发些可爱的表情包。让他感觉到，你可不是随便夸人的哦，你的赞赏只给值得赞美的人。他会知道的。

❻

Ask Him To Hang Out

约他出去玩

与其被动等待，不如主动出击。不过，“约他”和“约他出去玩”可是有微妙差别的。

Don’t ask him out. Ask him to hang out – there’s a big difference and it’s an important one. If you’re super casual and ask him to grab a bite sometime or head to a movie, it’ll leave his head spinning and make him wonder just what’s going on. That’s good – you want him to be confused about whether it’s a real date or a just-as-friends thing.

不要说是约会，只说是一块儿出去玩。二者可是有大区别的，而且，这点很重要哦。如果你就是超随意地约他吃个东西，或者看个电影。那他就会思考，究竟是咋回事儿。这很好啊，因为你就要让他感到困惑，思考到底是货真价实的约会，还是朋友间约着玩。

假如对方喜欢你，那他内心肯定波涛汹涌，一定会有所表现的。

If he likes you as much as you like him, he’ll make the mood romantic rather than platonic and will make sure that you know how he feels. He won’t want to let it slide and will want to make you his before anyone else can.

如果他也同样喜欢你，那一定会制造出浪漫的恋爱气息，还会想方设法让你知道他的感受。他肯定不会错失良机，抢在别人前面，把你变成那个她。

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