昨天，微博上一个话题引来网友热议。

“男朋友月薪5000能养活你吗？”

在一个街采视频中，一些女生的反应是难以置信，“一个月5000怎么够？”

相比起来，男生们比较乐观……

不过，也有女生非常帅气地表示，“不用他养。”

网友们的普遍意见则觉得女生不需要男生养……但是5000块，谈个恋爱结个婚还是压力很大的……

还有不少人认为，这个调查的题目本身有些三观不正，“我养你”也许可以当情话说说，但如果恋爱中的一方在经济上完全依附于另一方，那么这样的关系就不太健康了。

不过话说回来，近年来，关于恋爱花销的讨论越来越多，看个电影吃个饭几百块就出去了，还有为提升个人形象买化妆品、报健身房的，一个月几千块打不住……

《卫报》也采访过一些恋爱中的男女。谈恋爱真的要花很多钱吗？男生和女生应该谁来付账？不用花太多钱的恋爱怎么谈？

围绕着这些问题，一群二三十岁的年轻人谈了自己的想法。

1

谈恋爱要花很多钱吗？

Is dating too expensive?

@ Emma, 22, Washington DC

艾玛，22岁，华盛顿

Yes! It’s almost impossible to do dinner and something for less than $50. I’m dating someone who makes more money than I do, and trying to maintain anything close to a 50/50 split means spending more than I want or being the less fun one who doesn’t want to do stuff.

是的！现在吃顿饭、随便做点什么就不下50美元。我的男朋友赚钱比我多，所以每次我想AA，就意味着我要花超出预算的钱，或者我就只能做那个扫兴的人，为了省钱这也不想做、那也不想去。

@ Danielle, 26, Ireland

丹妮尔，26岁，爱尔兰

It’s not so much that “dating” specifically is too expensive, but just life in general is too expensive as a struggling millennial. A bunch of random dates that probably will never go anywhere, and some which you won’t even enjoy, just seems like such a waste of money. Is that too cynical? I don’t know … I’d just rather spend my money on the things I know I need and the people I know I already enjoy spending time with.

其实不光是“谈恋爱”要花钱的问题，对于过得比较艰难的千禧一代来说，生活本身就要花很多钱。随便找些对象也不一定能长久，有些约会甚至让人一点都不开心，真觉得浪费好多钱。这么说是不是太愤世嫉俗了？我不知道……反正我宁愿把钱花在我需要的东西上，或者玩得好的朋友身上。

@ Chase, 24, Utah

蔡斯，24岁，犹他州

Since I’m a student, something pricier like dinner or a show is only a once-per-paycheck (maybe) kind of activity. As a man, I feel this more because the local culture here still isn’t very open to women asking men out.

我是个穷学生，贵一点的活动，比如晚餐或者看演出，大概一个月有个一次就够呛了。作为一个男生，我对此感触更深一些，因为这里的传统是女生不太主动约会男生。

@ Stephanie, 24, Atlanta

斯蒂芬妮，24岁，亚特兰大

No, I do not think dating has to be or is too expensive. I would be happy with a date as long as it was a time the guy and I set aside to spend time with just each other in any setting. If a guy asked me to go to the park and play frisbee and packed us lunches that would a great inexpensive date. I don’t have any expectation that we go to an upscale dinner or that he take me to go see a musical or something. I also think it is my responsiblity to offer to split the price of the date, or plan and pay for the next day if there is one.

我不认为谈恋爱一定要花很多钱，也不觉得恋爱很贵。只要是和喜欢的人一起度过的时光，无论干什么我都很开心。如果男生约我去公园、玩飞盘、自带午餐，这也会是非常棒的约会，而且一点也不贵。我不指望他带我去高档餐厅或看音乐剧之类的。而且，我觉得自己有责任提议AA，或者下一次请回来。

2

你觉得约会应该谁付钱？

Who do you think should pay for a date?

@Jared, 26, Brooklyn

杰瑞德，26，布鲁克林

The guy, always, unless there’s serious insistence from his date.

男生，绝对的。除非女生坚持要求付账。

@ Dan, 28, San Diego

丹，28岁，圣迭戈

If a guy asks a girl out, he should definitely pick up the tab for the first date. He should do that for the next couple dates as well. After that splitting might be appropriate depending on the circumstances.

如果是男生约女生出来，第一次约会时，绝对是他付账。接下来几次约会大概也应该如此。之后的话，根据情况，AA也许就比较合适了。

@Stephanie, 24, Atlanta

斯蒂芬妮，24岁，亚特兰大

50/50.

AA。

@ Ana, 25, Glasgow

安娜，25岁，格拉斯哥

Whoever insists.

谁坚持要付，就谁付。

@ David, 29, Brooklyn

大卫，29岁，布鲁克林

This is tricky because different women have different expectations about who pays. That said, I always offer to cover the whole bill. It’s not about trying to impress a woman. A lot of women don’t care about money anyway. They do care, however, that a man is generous.

这个问题比较麻烦，因为不同的女性对谁付账会有不同的期待。虽说如此，我总是会主动埋单，倒不是为了让对方觉得我有钱。许多女生根本也不在乎钱多钱少，她们在乎的是男生是不是慷慨大方。

3

你会为付不起账而焦虑吗？

Do you ever worry about not being able to pay for a date?

@ David, 27, New York

大卫，27岁，纽约

It has happened to me a few times in life, when I’m single and can’t afford to go on a date (assuming a minimum of around $20), then I’m focusing on making enough money to get up to that point. It might sound shallow, but if I’m low on cash I’m not at my most confident, and having something in wallet vastly improves my dating ability, even if we’re doing something that’s free.

我单身且没钱约会时，焦虑过好几次。假设约会一次至少花20美金吧，我后来就专心挣钱，达到这个标准。这听起来有些肤浅，不过如果我口袋里没钱，我就自信不起来。有钱的话，约会技能也飙升，就算不花钱的约会也会感觉良好得多。

@ Craig, 35, New York

克雷格，35岁，纽约

I don’t worry about being able to pay for dates. If my date picks something out of my range, I will, in an open and honest manner, say that it’s a bit pricey, and ask if may we pick an alternative. If you can’t be honest at the beginning of the relationship, it doesn’t bode well for the future. And if your date can’t handle the honesty, maybe it’s a sign that you’re not dating the right person.

我不担心约会付不起账单的事。如果女朋友选了一个超出预算的东西，我会坦诚地告诉她，有点贵，能不能选个其他的。如果在恋爱开始的时候你不能和对方坦诚相对，那将来也不会好过。如果你的对象受不了这种直率，那也许你找的人不对。

4

不用花太多钱的约会可以做什么？

What do you do for an inexpensive date?

@ Alex, 23, Boston

亚历克斯，23，波士顿

My favorite cheap date is walking. My current significant other and I walk for hours during the day. We often wake up, work out and eat separately, shower, and then ponder “What do we want to do today?” To us, this means “Where do you want to walk?” We’ve traversed much of our city and see plenty along the way. No pressure to purchase, and constant and renewing sources of entertainment along the way.

我最爱的廉价约会项目是散步。我和现在的伴侣每天走好几小时的路。我们每天各自起床、锻炼、吃饭、洗澡，然后就想，“今天做什么呢？”对我们来说，这就是说，“今天去哪散步呢？”我们的足迹踏遍了这座城市的大部分地方，一路上看了很多风景。没有购物的压力，路上还有源源不断的新鲜事物让我们感到开心。

看完这么多讨论，我想说的是，约会开支方面，不一定非要分清谁多谁少，重要的是要找到一种相对平衡的模式，让彼此都处于内心舒适的状态。

当然，不管是男生还是女生都要记住，一定不要把自己的快乐和未来寄托在他人身上，要先独立，再恋爱。

先独立，后恋爱

为什么我建议大家要“先独立，后恋爱”呢？

❶自己养活自己，真的很赞！

When it comes to personal independence, there is no satisfaction comparable to the ability to pay your own bills. Financial independence means that you control your income and expenditure and you are not answerable to anybody.

谈到个人独立问题，没什么比自己养活自己更令人有成就感了。经济独立意味着你自己掌管开支，不需要对任何人有交代。

❷ 独立的人，浑身散发着自信和魅力

Independent people naturally tend to be a little more confident on handling issues affecting their lives. Being independent therefore means that you will be more likely to try out new things that you want, rather than what or how you are expected to.

独立的人在处理影响生活的事情方面天然更有信心。独立就意味着你更愿意去尝试自己想做的新事物，而不是去做别人期待你做的事。

❸ 越独立，煎熬和失望越少

Being emotionally dependent means that you can make the most of your personal decisions and go through challenging life situations without necessarily dragging other people into it. More emotional independence can also mean less suffering and disappointment, since you do not depend on others to meet you emotional needs.

情感独立就是说你可以自己做大部分个人决定，处理有挑战性的生活情况，而不用把别人也牵扯进来。精神情感方面越独立，煎熬和失望会越少，因为你不用依靠别人来满足自己的情感需求。

❹独立的人，做决定都超潇洒

Being independent makes decision making an easy task; this is because you have proven to yourself that you are the only person that will be really affected by the decisions you make.

独立让做决定变得简单，因为你知道，你做的决定只会影响你自己。

❺ 成为更好的自己

Independence can help increase your self-value and self-esteem. The achievement of financial, emotional, social, career and personal independence gives you a sense of accomplishment that eventually changes how you rate yourself and how others view you.

独立会帮你提高自我价值和自尊心。经济、情感、社会、事业及个人独立会给你带来成就感，最终会改变你对自己的评价和他人对你的看法。

The increased self-worth that comes with this independence is a great booster to your self-esteem and personal success.

而独立带来的个人价值提升更是增强自尊心、推动个人成功的利器。

最后，我希望小伙伴们都能成为最好的自己，遇到最美的爱情。

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